I am aware that I am insane. I am a freak, I have no off-switch, a one track mind, I am completely nuts and unable to compromise. Everything I do is about one thing, even when I look like I’m doing something “normal”, it’s not. There is no normal in my life; so it shouldn’t surprise me when I’m driving along the road and something which sounds insane even to me comes out of my mouth…
“Father, I’m ready to make my next lot of Mistakes.”
I have no idea why these things come out of my mouth. Why would I pray that? Why do I set myself up like this?
Can anyone tell me why I persist in the insane lifestyle of zealous pursuit of all of God?
I am at a loss, but I will not take it back. I know what I’ve done, giving Him permission to lead me into a place where I need to learn things about myself and screw things up; however I cannot back away from the Refining Fire of Holy Spirit. I will not back away from Holy Spirit.
“But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.” But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved. Hebrews 10:38-39 (NIV)
But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:7-11 (NIV)
There are other prayers we pray which are dangerous. We sing them in pews all the time and have no idea what we’re singing. (…my hearts one desire is to be holy…-Refiners Fire; …Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me, Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, And my faith will be made stronger, In the presence of my Saviour -Oceans, Hillsong)
Are we serious about these things? Because there’s no point praying or singing them if we’re not. We would be best to keep our mouths shut. It would be preferable to God if we did.
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! Revelation 3:15 (NIV)
I have been known to refuse to sing songs when I know I am lying. I will not intentionally give God something that does not accurately reflect what He knows is really going on in our relationship.
That is what He really wants anyway. Relationship; in its barest form, ready to deal with life as it stands, real, raw, messy, passionate, ordinary.
It is dangerous, because it affects every part of who we are, and affects every part of the world we live in. Not the -wide world- but the ordinary, boring, natural, everyday world. The world that we live in every day.
That’s the danger. If we start praying these kinds of prayers, He will start changing our world.
We must work out if we’re really up for it.
The big changes in the world, come from the dangerous prayers we pray at home.
God Bless You Very Much
Anita