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Dreaming Of A Secret Drawer

That totes sounds like a line from a 60s’ folk song… not a particularly well written one either!

Anyway, that’s what I did. I had a dream that I was in a race to find a secret drawer in a cabinet. I won. The drawer was found. It had a lot more compartments in it than was probable. It was also empty and unfinished, as in, unrefined, raw wood, not varnished etc.

At that point it was a little disappointing actually.

Over the last month or so, I have been engaged in a prayer task that has kept me quite busy at late (and early) hours. These often have a very particular impact on me and I have to be very careful with how I approach my self-care, what impact it has on my expectations of God and my perspectives of life, the universe and everything – 42.

When I am engaged by Father to these tasks, there comes a point when I feel the lack of human back-up, and remembering that I am coming up on thirty-eight and still waiting for the fulfilment of His promises becomes a point of contention between us. It doesn’t usually last very long, but it is there, my Hannah moment laid bare before the Father, mingled with His Esther moment, working hard to keep them separate, and making sure that all of myself is sacrificed in Praise and Thankfulness, so that the task ahead of me remains clean.

What do you do when you have a list of things that you’re waiting for and waiting seems to be the highlighted agenda?

It’s actually important not to grit your teeth and bear it. As much as that sounds like a necessary thing, it actually comes from a place of being in a victim mentality. You’re picking up the burden that you laid at the foot of the cross – like Christian in ‘The Pilgrims’ Progress’, you can’t afford to pick up what you’ve already laid down. Allowing yourself to become a victim, allows the enemy a right of access to keep you trapped in the position of victim or slave, or whatever you have chosen to be. This also comes from “Why” statements/questions too. “why me”, “why is this happening”, “why does this always happen” etc.

The best questions to ask are “what” questions. “What do you need me to know?”, “What is really going on here?”, “What do You want to say to me right now?” Information gathering questions. Data gathering questions. We can be driven by our emotions, or blinded to what is real about the world – what God Himself knows as real – not what the bulk of humanity understands as real.

Then Listen.

Don’t be surprised when you hear from Him. Also don’t be surprised if He speaks to you in some bizarre manner, or in some manner so ordinary that you nearly miss it. One friend of mine gets many little boy Blue Wrens from Jesus, with their blue hoods and tails, their cheeky little black eyes and trilling, He sings to her and serenades her with Wren-song.

Father may use the language in flowers, language in all kinds of ‘natural’ things as well as dreams, visions, the still small Voice, or prophetic words from others. The important thing is to be looking to Him for His interpretation of the answer to the question you asked. And more importantly, to be in the sort of relationship with Him that you know more and more each day what His voice actually sounds like, so that if He chooses to speak to you in another way, you still know that it’s Him. Double checking with someone who has wisdom is a wise thing to do if you’re not sure, or if you’re still learning.

So, I had asked. “What do you want to say? I need to hear what you have to say, because I know I’m turned around in this at the moment.” Praise God, He is faithful to speak.

I dreamed of the race to find a secret drawer, a hidden drawer. When I found it, mine had nothing in it, but many compartments to hold things. I was feeling disappointed as I looked in every part of the drawer, looking to see if there was anything in it because I had hoped to find answers and objects in the drawer. Things I could take out and hold, things that I could know were hidden in the drawer and the timing was right to find. The drawer was amazing, lots of hand crafted compartments, and it was beautifully put together, but it was definitely unfinished. I looked to my Right and Jesus told me to look closer. When I looked closer, written in the grain of the wood were different Bible references.

I only saw three clearly enough to record. 1 Corinthians 2:10-16 (NIV), 2 Corinthians 3:2-6 (NIV), Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)

I’ll wait while you click on the links and read them…

…you may well wonder what this seemingly disparate selection of verses has to do with the secret drawer. Well, for me, the Anitas’-readers-digest-condensed-version, He very clearly said the following: I know you, and you know me. We know each other. You are who you are because I AM written on you. I can be read on you. I pray strength into you. I pray power into you, I pray love into you. I pray myself into you. I love you.

He didn’t give me what I wanted to hear, he didn’t give me a deadline or a timeline or a picture of a completed work even – the drawer itself still needed to be finished, let alone have things put in it. What He did do, was tell me exactly what He wanted to say. Which was what I need to hear. I need to hear from His mouth that Jesus is standing in the throne room praying specifically for me. That He knows exactly where I am at. That He trusts me to know where He is, that He trusts me with the task at hand. That I am doing OK. That I know what He is doing and that I do know what’s going on. If I didn’t, He’d tell me. What He also made very clear on the other things was that the time wasn’t right, I would need to continue to wait, and that He would continue to make sure I had His strength etc.

Sometimes I think we just forget to ask the right question. He’ll always answer you. If you’re not getting the most understandable answer – maybe double check the question? Remember He does enjoy a paradox and His sense of humour is quite bizarre! However, He is also very clear. It is our humanity that will get in the way if we let it. He can only take us as high, as deep and as far as we ourselves are willing to go. If you draw the line, He will not cross it. He is a gentleman.

God Bless You Very Much.


“these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for,

‘Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?’

But we have the mind of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 2:10-16 (NIV)

“You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant – not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” 2 Corinthians 3:2-6 (NIV)

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)

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