Not the word you were expecting, right!?
That happens to me often, welcome to life inside my head. I had several other posts lined up as possibilities to go this week, but they’ve all had to take a back seat to my inability to pull the concluding thoughts out of the ether and onto the page. I live at the Mercy of the Father. Unless He shows the way forward, I am completely lost.
Many years ago, way, way before the accident, I told Him I never wanted to say anything unless it was from Him. At the time, I don’t think I ever got that right, and it’s been a process of getting to this point, where now, I am not actually able to represent Him, unless He literally provides the words! For that I am very grateful. It cuts through a lot of blather. So this post is mostly me!
It’s been a fascinating ride, going from thinking I know how my brain works, and being fairly articulate to having to re-learn everything, even a lot of my own hand eye coordination. I don’t begrudge Him the process though. Do you know How Good God is?
I didn’t. Not until I fell over and my world exploded. Then I found out How Very Amazing He Really Is. We spent so much time together before the accident, but now… Wow! The things He says, the Depths and Heights we’ve been!
My days are governed by calculating how much physical and mental activity I can do before my brain packs it in and I become a danger to myself and the world around me. Worship is my life line, I would not get very far without it. If I can recommend anything, consistent soaking in solid worship music would be one.
There is nothing like soaking in the Glory of God, nothing. Giving Him back everything He’s given me, being in His presence, being with Him as He is, and as I am, with nothing in between. That’s the ABSOLUTE JOY of what He’s done for me, there’s nothing in the way anymore, because I have no brain! Praise God! And I DON’T WANT IT BACK!
For a person who was driven by and counted as important how well I could think and what I could do, I don’t want to be able to think and do by myself anymore. I have learned how much bigger my thoughts are when God thinks them. How much better they are when He thinks them. How much more fun I have when He is in control of my brain and my physical limits.
I will not ever recommend a head injury to you in order to find out this amazing life that I have found out. I pray He will show you a better way, and it will be better than what He has shown me, then we can compare notes and it will be a brilliant Glory Party! Even though I will not be able to noun, verb or that other one…
God Bless You Very Much.
Anita.
Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."
As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips.
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
(NIV)